Andy Reid Sucks

Jun 05, 2016 -- 8:09am

By TJ Carpenter

@TJCarpenterWHB

 

We all suck at something. Despite what my mother raised me to believe, that the world was my oyster and I could be great at whatever I wanted, there were just simply some things I wasn’t very good at… (cue angry tweeter, listener, “yeah, RADIO is one of those things!")

 

Your own haterade aside, the point remains, we all suck at something, even the people we idolize and put on a pedestal in sports. Michael Jordan sucks at gambling, Barry Bonds sucks at being a teammate and yes, even Tom Brady sucks at covering up his balls… (I’ll pause to let you giggle.)

 

Andy Reid sucks. He’s great at preparing a game plan, coaching quarterbacks, creating unit cohesion in the locker room, winning regular season games, (eating cheeseburgers…) but he sucks at clock management. He sucks at clock management and he sucks at the two-minute offense. And don’t blame this on the west coast offense. Joe Montana and Bill Walsh wrote the chapter on The Comeback in the history book of the National Football League. The west coast offense is not to blame.

 

Andy Reid in particular has a problem here. Rea Hughes from WIP in Philadelphia the day after the Chiefs loss to the Patriots told us on 810 airwaves she’d seen this particular story many times before. It’s like watching a rerun of that one episode of Seinfeld you hate. You’ve seen it before, it comes on TBS way too often, for some reason Kramer isn’t in it. The only difference is that this doesn’t happen just once in the life of Andy Reid. He’s perpetually terrible and also perpetually in denial of this one problem.

 

It’s June and when I asked Reid about the two-minute drill (something they’ve been working on and failing at quite a bit in OTAs) he said, “yeah we feel good about where we’re at.”

 

You do? Because I watched you give the offense one timeout and 1:40 on the clock to score a TD and halfway through the drill add two more timeouts to give the offense a couple more chances. The offense didn’t repay that with a touchdown.

 

You read that right, Andy Reid changed the rules of his own two-minute scenario after the offense failed the scenario. And even with two more timeouts, still failed to score. (Buy hey! The defense looked GREAT!)

 

This week Reid also said in responding to questions about co-offensive coordinator Matt Nagy relaying the plays to Alex Smith in the huddle, sometimes he’ll do it, sometimes Childress will call them in from the scripted plays we have and I’ll do it if we’re in the two-minute drill, just so he can get used to that.”

 

WAIT WHAT?

 

Yes, Andy Reid, with two offensive coordinators, will call plays in the two-minute, relay those plays in the two-minute and also manage the clock in the two-minute. (I’ll pause to let you facepalm.) Reid is doing everything in the two-minute offense. The time when many people believe he should be doing the least.

 

In a Twitter poll I conducted (sorry, I didn’t have time to call Reuters) I asked, “Do you want Andy Reid in control of the clock, play calling and relaying plays in under 2 minutes?”

 

84% of responders said “No.”

 

This is a blindspot for Reid. He’s terrible at clock management and scoring late. The man has orchestrated 30 wins, two playoff appearances and a playoff win in three seasons, and yet he has yet to score a single touchdown on a drive started with under two minutes to go at the end of a half or game since becoming the Chiefs head coach.

 

You can win in the regular season without a great two-minute offense. You cannot do the same in the playoffs. You WILL be in a close game, you WILL have to score a touchdown, and you WILL NOT have a lot of time or timeouts to accomplish that feat.

 

His coordinators know it too. Matt Nagy said, “It’s a clear point of emphasis for us this offseason and something we are focusing on.”

 

Brad Childress said, “We need to be better in the two minute offense,” when asked his takeaway from the Patriots loss. “The two minute offense will be a primary focus of everything we do out here in the offseason.”

 

Well, I appreciate that… that’s reassuring. I don’t know how good Alex Smith, Nagy and Childress can be with the reigns in the two minute offense, I just know I’d rather take my chances and find out than trying to come up with convoluted solutions to make sure Andy Reid knows how much time is left on the clock and that he’s acting with proper urgency as he calls plays, relays plays, and clashes cymbals between his knees and plays the harmonica. (that’s a one man band, people.) Otherwise the best we could brainstorm is a plate of ribs with a clock on it… a man to hold up a see through clock board (like the one they use for soccer substitutions) that you can just hold up in front of his face so he can still see the play, but also has to constantly look at the clock first… shock collar. That’s all I got.


Can we all just simply acknowledge, we like Andy Reid. Andy Reid is great. He’s a lovable mustachioed jolly football coach. He also SUCKS! We don’t need a city-wide intervention… just some self-acknowledgement that he sucks at clock management. Maybe then, we can stop championing regular season success, and start counting postseason championships.

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